


Avoidance

by diice



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Bisexual Male Character, Everybody Lives, F/M, Jealousy, Love Across The Universe: Dangan Salmon Team, Love Hotels, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 12:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20995010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diice/pseuds/diice
Summary: Shuichi has been reduced to amess. Hopelessly in love with his friends, the timid, weak detective spends his nights in the Love Suite instead of mustering up the courage to deal with his feelings head-on.





	Avoidance

There is no reason that Shuichi should have visited the Love Suite this many times.

He shouldn't have went to that casino. Curiosity bubbling inside him, he stepped inside, wondering if this was what real casinos looked like or it was Monokuma's sick imitation of one. With a couple other students, he investigated the place, paying attention to Monokuma's explanation of the games and the obtainable prizes. This whole situation was bizarre, so he listened to everything Monokuma said for clarity, even if not all of his words were expository and he meandered quite a bit. Detectives are supposed to be curious. Shuichi justified himself with this sentiment as he stood in front of a large machine with a bright screen and at that moment he remembered that this was a casino. Gambling is not something that he wants to suck time into.

They're on a dating show. They are trapped in a gigantic cage like they were birds. Shuichi recalled Gonta's remark that there were no animals or bugs outside. There were labs specifically designed for all but Rantaro, who couldn't access his. That kept Shuichi up at night.

What did he have to lose?

Now, he has multiple Keys of Love stashed on his shelf, going out in the middle of the night to use them on the mysterious Love Suite. The first time, it was because Monokuma woke him up and the natural curiosity of a detective overtook him. There, he saw Kaito Momota— stupid, blindly optimistic Kaito. They train every night. Shuichi couldn't place why he was chosen of all people, just that the self-proclaimed "Luminary of the Stars" saw potential in him. Kaito looks handsome, here. More than he usually does. His eyes were half-lidded; when he smiled, he looked so in love, like Shuichi was the most beautiful person he's ever laid eyes on. When he was pinned against the wall, a sickening, warm feeling blossomed inside him. It was more intense than a crush. Shuichi was in love with him, how could he _ not _ , Kaito's attractive, sticks up for him, when his hand on the detective's back it feels electric and, for no more than a second, Shuichi wants to hold his hand to find out how big the astronaut's is compared to his own. Here, Shuichi is his ideal. His fantasy. He'll never know what went on in the Love Suite, they'll remain friends and continue to train like nothing's happened. Right. Because it never _ did._

"_What is wrong with me_?"

He's prepared to use another key. It's tightly held in the palm of his hand. Small, easy to keep hidden. There's no way he could let anyone know that he does this. After hanging out with whoever decides to approach him, Shuichi stays in the casino, playing those games that he knows so well he could beat them with his eyes closed. He is the only person that still comes here. Days after the area was unveiled, the others gave up. They never got their hands on a single Key of Love. 

He's thankful. It's almost baffling, how easy it is to walk into that room, being whoever his classmates want him to be to match their ideal partner.

During the months they've been here, relationships have been forming. Tenko practically teleports to Himiko. Maki seemed to be annoyed by Kaito at first, now, the feeling is mutual. Shuichi spends his time with Kaede Akamatsu. She's sweet, talented, gorgeous, every time they play the piano together Shuichi has to swallow thickly and force himself to focus on the notes instead of how hard his heart is beating.

He's in love with her, too.

The hours go by as quickly as the songs she plays. In her Ultimate Lab, the world feels kind. It can't hurt him there. She's helped him realize that he likes when people are taller than him, the almost unnoticeable height difference between them causing that gross, heart-pounding feeling to overtake all his other senses. Shuichi encountered in the Love Suite, knows what she looks for in a lover. He wants to be her ideal partner in the real world, not in some dream she won't remember. He wishes that everyone here would find their ideal. Kokichi named off specific traits about Shuichi in his dream— that he was a detective; perhaps Shuichi can provide him that. As for the rest, he was to be morphed into whoever they desired. Rantaro is not his mentor. He is not Miu's childhood friend. He's certainly not the person that Kaede deserves. Weak, timid Shuichi Saihara, covering up his issues with a hat and gets exhausted when he does a couple of sit ups. He doesn't deserve her. Doesn't deserve anyone.

Shuichi unclenches his palm, this Key of Love in particular having been reserved for days. He goes there every night. He's gotten Kaito quite a number of times. Maybe it's dumb luck, maybe Monokuma sees what a mess he is and decided to mess with him. Doing the same thing over and over is a waste of time(seeing Kaito look down at him while he's pinned against the wall, certainly, is not), so he— he kissed his best friend. The man Shuichi is supposed to be a sidekick to, the third wheel in him and Maki's relationship. He kissed Kaito Momota and he _ reciprocated _ and the way their lips connected, however inexperienced they both were, it was the best moment of Shuichi's entire life. For that time, he forgot how flustered Maki got when the Ultimate Astronaut made terrible attempts to flirt with her that actually worked.

He doesn't think Maki is a bad person for liking him back. Shuichi cares about her, does his best to stop his teeth from gritting when he spots them doing PDA. He respects their relationship, but he can't stop himself from kissing Kaito like _ he _ was the one the taller man was really interested in, and he thinks, wishing that he could drown in the astronaut's love, **this** is his fantasy. If someone else were to enter the Love Suite he is certain, he'll bet his life on it, that Kaito would be his ideal just like how Shuichi was in Kokichi Ouma's. Kaede is wonderful. Everyone is, he wishes he was enough, but he never will be. 

"Why do I have to be so messed up? Can't I be decent enough to leave everyone **alone**?"

Shuichi tossed the key onto the floor. It remains in one piece, glitters like it was still neatly placed on his shelf. _ Fuck _ this casino. It ruined his life, ruined his ability to feel just a crush and made him feel so, _ so _ goddamn inadequate. 

Everyone in this school deserves love. He could go on about how incredible they are. Tsumugi is adorable when she rambles about the stuff she likes. Everything Ryoma says is insightful; Shuichi wants to be there for him and help him pave the way for a brighter future. Kaede, the detective thinks, is perfect. Her fantasy is to have a relationship with someone who remembers anniversaries and calls her their sweetheart. She treats Shuichi differently than the rest, like how Maki is with Kaito, without the loss of composure. She's composed, she's beautiful, and it's obvious that she likes him back. 

Shuichi could confess anytime now. When he speaks, she leans in, listening attentively. He wants the feeling when they play piano together to persist outside that. They could hold hands, cuddle, do clichè romantic things that are always being glorified in media.

Kaede's ideal is someone confident enough to confess. Shuichi Saihara is not that person. 

He stomps on the key, cursing at it, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes and Shuichi is actually on the verge of crying over a _ key. _He's addicted to the sensation of being exactly what others want. There, in that room, pretending to be the role assigned to him is easier than being himself. 

He ceases his attack on the item that haunts him every night. It has a few dents; hardly noticeable at all. He knows that he can't let this key go. If someone finds and uses it, they will connect the dots as to why he's been in this dreadful place so often. He bends down, picking it up, resuming his trip to the Love Suite, one of many and who knows how many more.

Shuichi Saihara is a detective. Detectives are curious. They charge into the new, leaving the old behind. This weak detective in particular does the same thing over and over, no matter how much guilt bottles up inside of him. He can be the perfect boyfriend that Kaede deserves, can kiss Kaito all he wants without an ounce of shame and let out all of the jealousy he feels whenever he sees the Luminary of the Stars with Maki. This is his secret.

The shadow of a humanoid figure stirs behind him. Shuichi ignores it.


End file.
